The Married Dude's Guide to Aircraft Building

Ok, that said, a major factor in deciding to take the plunge into building an aircraft at home was to make sure my wife was behind it. I knew, based on how obsessive I always get over hands-on projects (or any project for that matter), that the people in my life could take a back seat role to this aircraft building stuff.

Thing is, I had just gotten married a couple months before I finally made the decision to build the RV-7. I wanted to make sure (a) that my wife fully understood the changes that were going to take place, and (b) that I made every possible effort to prevent her from feeling left out or "replaced." Sounds ridiculous, but we all know this is common. The reality is that when you first get started building, there is nothing you'd rather be doing than building that sucker. And I mean nothing. So it took some real effort on my part to make sure my wife didn't feel left in the dust.

Let me start out by saying that while my wife Jen is an extremely outgoing woman, she's not one of those happy-go-lucky wives who just says, "I'll do anything for you, honey. Whatever makes you happy." It ain't like that. She's definitely her own person, and it can be tough to sway her sometimes. Hell, all the time. So before you pass this off as "he's just a lucky dude, his wife is into it," you gotta understand that it's just not the case. She's great, but it takes work. Here's my advice, whether you want it or not.

1. It's all about her.
   This first and critical step involves explaining to her that this whole project revolves around her. Sounds ludicrous...we all know you're building that sleek little homebuilt because you want to go fast, do formation with your buddies, and have all this pride, yadda yadda. But in reality, you need to look at it in a different way. The typical builder is out there renting slow, doggy spam cans that are way overpriced (I can't believe what they're getting for rentals these days). Building this aircraft is going to afford you the ability to fly anywhere, anytime, and in style. Like to your wife's parents' house. Or to a little getaway spot for the weekend. Or somewhere beautiful for your anniversary. And it'll get you there faster. And it climbs better so you can get higher quicker...which means the flight is safer. Tell her these things.

2. This building stuff is so easy.
   Jen didn't get involved with my project until a week or two into it. One morning, I had gone out to the garage early to debur some skins. She came out just for a second to ask me a question about something unrelated. I was deburring as we talked...and I noticed she was looking at what I was doing. I pounced... "Wanna try?" She was hesitant, but after a couple of tries of "Come on, it's easy," she finally gave in. Her first introduction to building planes. I showed her how, and she picked it right up. After she deburred the first hole, I said, "Good job. Now lemme have that back." She said, "No, I want to do it." It was all downhill from there.
   

3. She can't break it.
   You need to explain very carefully that there will be screwups, that you make screwups all the time. Convey that regardless of how precious this plane (or these hunks of metal) is to you, it's a learning process, and nobody's perfect, especially you. When you first involve her in riveting, you need to prepare her for having to drill out a few rivets. I'm not talking about teaching her how to drill them out, I'm talking about preparing her emotionally before it happens. Let her know that not all rivets come out perfectly on the first try. And when something goes wrong, it's ok, you both can do it again. No matter how big or small the piece or the task, you got this plane in a box of parts. And there's more where that came from. I don't care how many hours you spent carefully crafting that piece of aluminum, you can do it again and you will if you have to.

   You have to be very careful how you react to a bad rivet, for example. If you have the slightest bit of negativity in your voice and say, "Oh, shit, that one's totally messed up," you might have just lost your building partner then and there. You have to sugar coat it (unfortunate, but it's true) as something like, "Let's do that one again. I think we can make it better." Just make sure you don't take out any frustration on her. If you do, you can expect her to disappear from the project. So keep it light and positive.

4. She's the best helper you ever had.
   You have to get her involved. This can be tough to crack at first, but once you do, it's amazing. If she feels like she's really helping you toward finishing the project, then she's going to feel motivated to help more often and on increasingly more complicated stuff. The reality for me is that my wife is a better riveter than all of my male buddies combined. This is no lie. Jen shoots the nicest rivets I've seen. And I tell her so. She won't believe you when you say it, but you need to let her know how huge a help she is, and how talented she is.
   

5. She can do things that you can't.
   Speaking of talent, this is an area of which you can really take advantage. There are lots of things that your wife is so much better at than you. Even little things, like using her fingernails to peel off stubborn rivet tape, can be an opportunity for making her feel infinitely needed and appreciated. What might take you 10 minutes takes her 10 seconds. Keep your eyes peeled for these opportunities. "Honey, I really need you out here. You're way better at this than me."
   

6. Work on her terms.
   Don't expect her to be by your side during all those hundreds or thousands of hours you spend on this project. It ain't gonna happen. But again, you have to keep your eyes peeled for those scenarios that will work for both of you. If it's late at night and she's already in bed, don't expect her to jump when you say you need a second pair of hands. You might get lucky, but it's doubtful. In fact, if it's late at night, the likelihood is that she's probably saying to herself, "How much longer is he going to be out there? I don't hear any drilling or riveting. What is he doing? Why isn't he in here with me?" You've got to find a way to keep her from feeling neglected or replaced.
   

7. Take your time.
   Yeah right. We all know you're gonna finish this sucker in a few months and get it into the air. Ok, well, after you've outlived that delusion, you realize that the project will take far more time than you envisioned. So don't put any pressure on her to hurry up and do it right. Just take your time and keep it low-key. If you can find things for her to do that allow you to move on to other things, great. Just don't rush her.
   

8. Sometimes, don't build.
   You need to spend time with her. And I don't mean building. This sounds obvious, but it's the cardinal rule of aircraft building for married dudes. If there's one thing Jen hates, it's when I come in from the shop after she's already gone to sleep. She says it's like I'm not there when she wakes up, and I'm not there when she falls asleep. Not cool. As painful as it might be, you gotta take a Saturday or Sunday here and there and just not build for a day. Or at least part of a day. If this doesn't sound difficult now, you must not be building anything. It's tough to put the project down even for an hour. I don't know how many times I sat through a movie (even a good one), just waiting for it to be over so I could go home and build, build, build. But you have to force yourself to do it. It'll pay off in the long run.

Maybe at some point I'll get Jen to write something here from her perspective. Something for the concerned women out there to read. Because I know they won't want to read my babblings. Gotta hear it from a woman.

Anyway, I hope this helps some prospective builders out there...

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Dan Checkoway ()